I will Carry You

I never have kept a journal because I was so afraid that someone would read it and know my heart of hearts. Now I find myself called to lay it all on the line for the glory of my Lord. I am such a private person and have never been one to show my heart, but the Lord has patiently been asking me to lay it all down for Him that He may receive the glory for all things. I am trying to submit and share my heart in hopes that it may help someone else to know that they aren't crazy for feeling the way they do. What pushed me over the edge to do this you might ask, I read a book! Shocking to some, but to those who know me, you know that I LOVE to read!! "I Will Carry You" was written by Angie Smith, whose husband is the lead singer for the music group Selah. It is her testimony of being told that her unborn child would not live and her choice to emotionally, as well as physically carry her child with this knowledge. As I was reading her story and the emotions she carried, I was so relieved to know that I was not the only one out there who feared losing another child or who struggled with the emotions of knowing you were not going to be the one to sing that child to sleep at night. In the last few weeks, I have had people ask me why I am so worried about this child dying. It is hard to explain if you have never lived through that loss or even if you have but have never allowed yourself to grieve that loss. You see, it is not the child I grieve for, it is me. It is my memories. I want to have the chance to create those memories with my children and facing the possibility of not being able to do that was heart wrenching. When I read this book, I realized an incredible truth. God desires to be a part of my memories as well. He wants me to share His story to all that I see. To tell others about His love and Mercy and how He has brought and is bringing me through the storms in my life so that He receives the glory. I am not perfect and I do not have all the answers and I am not always strong enough to place my faith in His nail scared hands. However, it is my goal to always share what my heart is working on so that I may go back and see where I have fallen and where He has lifted me up and carried me to the haven rest.
If you know someone who has lost a child or if you yourself have lost a child, please read "I Will Carry You" .