my heart

I haven't written in a while. I have been afraid of someone throwing stones or preaching at me but I was reading a beautiful woman's blog today and realized why I started my blog to begin with. I want other women out there to know that they are not alone. Maybe if someone knows my heart from the inside out then they would know that I am a woman that struggles with depression, loneliness, anger, fear, hurt, running from God, being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and all around good person. I put up walls and push people away. Most would try to tell me not to, but I am realizing something amazing. When I push the world away I am able to see God so clearly. I lean on Him because I am not distracted by trying to please other people or do what they expect or listen to the hurtful words that they throw. I am learning to listen to Him but there is one thing I am not able to overcome quite yet, I do not like to be preached at. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and be real and tell me they know how I feel, not that I should just let it go.Sometimes I just need to vent. I often wonder if anyone else is able to be real and let their heart show just enough to encourage someone else.  Maybe not, maybe I'm just dreaming, maybe we are so consumed with being perfect that we trick ourselves into thinking we really are.